Irritation at the Realization of How I Feel

REJECTED by the lack of attraction
Creates tension
a whirl of emotion
a thirst for devotion
and it has me PARCHED.

There's a deep confusion
About this illusion
That I now feel I concocted myself.

When in turn there is a profusion
of emotion
that sits stirring in my belly

I crave an absolution
That the intrusion
Of this vulnerability is not my fault

Sometimes I see the fluctuation
of how others see me
A dissipation of the image in which others regard me...
 crumbles my soul

Is there a correlation of this intense eradication of the person I thought I was?
My behavior vs. Who I truly am?

My only consolation relies in the attention of those I think love me most
This infatuation that I have on my image will result in the disillusion of who I am...


There is a part of me scared I will eventually not be desirable and the ugliness inside me will break through and push away anyone that loves me.

THE TRUE RESISTANCE

RESIST
RESIST
RESIST
RESIST
RESIST
RESIST

RESIST the urge to embrace your worst self

Closing Eyes and Opening Truths

When I close my eyes I see nothing but darkness
I take a second to ponder why I cannot see anything; feel anything
I think i am slowly coming to the realization that I am simply scared of seeing.. of knowing... confronting some truths and pressures that I know lie within me

The truth is I know:
I am

Lost
Insecure
Uninspired
DISAPPOINTED in human beings and the fickleness of affection and attention that rules our generation.

Ode to the True Forces

To the sun and the moon
I envy your strength; your power
To the tall trees that tower over me
I envy your self-preservation

This is the conversation I constantly have with myself
There is a power behind these forces that I feel can come within us
I wish I could use that power I harness, and spread it to those most in need of it
When I feel lost I look at these amazing forces within our universe
And it shows me how things are always bigger and grander
Rainy dark days come with the promise that tomorrow or next will be better...
Because we have already endured the ugly.

Have you ever been inside a persons body that you then wan to become a part of?
Like an essential organ, like a lung, that makes you absolutely essential for them to breathe?

And as you become necessary for another's breath; you realize that in turn THEY are the ones who have inserted their body in yours? And ironically, they will now always be your breath.
There is a helplessness that comes with that but in return there is a power in understanding this.

Dear all daring universe, I tell you now that I do not know much,
But what I do know is tat my heart is slowly becoming yours...

-Jess