Creating Shells

I have good days, I have bad days.
The good days fly by without taking into account it was great
The bad days... well those I can't get out of my head.
There are random moments throughout the day where I think about HIM
and I cannot breathe
my heart starts beating a little faster
and tears come to my eyes.
It is so hard to act normal around people.
I hate boring my friends with the same old song.
About how sad I am. But I am exactly that. Distraught.
The worst part is I know he does not think about me.
I know he doesn't feel hurt like I do.
Because he was never fully in love with me.
And then he dropped me. From his life. And I never got a why.
Because I was not important enough.
Everyday that goes by the silence hardens me and builds another shell around this heart that once was so eager love.
Now the idea of ever feeling like this for anyone ever again scares me to my core.
I hope I never fall in love again.
I hope I never give anyone the power to make me feel this way again
Desolate and in despair; with memories of HIM agonizing me.
Thoughts of ever being touched by other hands make me shrill.
No one knows my body the way HE did
Or knows how to make my body open up like a flower on the first days of receiving sunlight in the Spring.
Instead, here I sit. Cold. Broken. And forever creating shells to hide in, so that I will never hurt again. So that maybe one day this will hurt less...

Untitled Love Declarations 2

El caer del poder de poder expresarse
Es como un mantel que te encubre y que despues te mate
Adios.

Untitled Love Declarations 1

Ever had the feeling triggered by the word love
That leaves you breathless and tight chested
Because you've experienced a version of it so real...
It fits like a glove
But also leaves you weak and exhausted
But you still need it to believe
In a world that's capable of such emotions?
WOW...

Jonathan is my world and all I want is to give him the same feeling
Because I can't imagine a world that has love without him...

My heart is broken...
I lay in bed with tears rolling down my cheeks
They stream endlessly stroking the aches my heart causes me to feel all over my body.
He says he does not believe I love him
But I think he chooses to believe that

If only he knew that I dream of him every night
If only he knew that his heart is worth the fight
If only he knew that the thought of life without him gives me fright
If only he knew that I desire him with all my might

My heart is broken...
The distance he creates between us is so painful
Knowing he can go days without even a thought of me destroys my soul
I know my Lion is in pain and is distraught, but it is unfortunate I believe in him more than he believes in himself.

If only he knew I think he is the greatest
If only he knew I think he is the smartest
If only he knew I think he is the sweetest
If only he knew how much I admire him

My heart is broken...
My Lion dwells in his sorrow and tramples
We are apart physically and spiritually
We are no longer in sync and my Lion has now successfully pushed me away
I think of him every single day