Creating Shells

I have good days, I have bad days.
The good days fly by without taking into account it was great
The bad days... well those I can't get out of my head.
There are random moments throughout the day where I think about HIM
and I cannot breathe
my heart starts beating a little faster
and tears come to my eyes.
It is so hard to act normal around people.
I hate boring my friends with the same old song.
About how sad I am. But I am exactly that. Distraught.
The worst part is I know he does not think about me.
I know he doesn't feel hurt like I do.
Because he was never fully in love with me.
And then he dropped me. From his life. And I never got a why.
Because I was not important enough.
Everyday that goes by the silence hardens me and builds another shell around this heart that once was so eager love.
Now the idea of ever feeling like this for anyone ever again scares me to my core.
I hope I never fall in love again.
I hope I never give anyone the power to make me feel this way again
Desolate and in despair; with memories of HIM agonizing me.
Thoughts of ever being touched by other hands make me shrill.
No one knows my body the way HE did
Or knows how to make my body open up like a flower on the first days of receiving sunlight in the Spring.
Instead, here I sit. Cold. Broken. And forever creating shells to hide in, so that I will never hurt again. So that maybe one day this will hurt less...