No Title

Think about all that you have left behind
Bring to the surface what is forced to the back of your mind
And bring forth that strength, the only kind...
That can push you forward and help you find
Seeing life worth working to fulfill, you'll no longer be blind.

It took me awhile to understand a life without you
I guess a part of me still doesn't believe it can be true
So I work on myself and to earn what is due
Because for now that is all that I can do
And I finally understand that focusing on me doesn't mean I cant love you

So I work hard not see your face everywhere I go
Because your face is so beautiful, I pause and then go slow
And in slowing down to appreciate the thoughts of you, I know
That I forgot about where I was going to begin with, which I have to stop doing if I want to grow...
There is a need of discipline when it comes to you, because I'm weak against you.... like the slaves to their Pharaoh.

I wake up in the morning thinking of you and craving you on me
Like how I need my huevo and cheese on salami
But now I know I cannot let those thoughts consume me entirely
For I must keep a clear head in order to act freely
Even though to force myself not to be about you is heresy

Everyday I get stronger and bolder
No longer feel like my shoulders carry this boulder
Made of the pain that was created from crushing my heart with a bulldozer
My penance has been paid and yet the struggle to stand up is not over
However everyday I'm greeted by the light of the realization that I hold my life's controller

Resilience

I wish you would come back to hold me in your arms as we look each other in the eyes and to look at me so intently as if the world would stop if you looked away.

I wish you would come back so that together we could try and be the better versions of ourselves with the help of each other.

I wish you would come back so that my faith in this love so real could be restored again.

I wish you would come back so I can really believe you loved me at some point.

Restore my faith in love
Restore my faith in the power above
Rescue my heart from failing
Rescue my heart from sinking
into such dark depths I know I continue to spiral into.
Free my soul from the agony that is losing you
Free me of this toll that is to only remember you
Confirm my beliefs of an epic romance
Confirm my desire for that loving glance
Praise these lips that long to kiss you
Praise this body that craves to show you how much I love you...

Sueños Repetidos

Anoche soñé contigo.

Por la mil noche desde que te fuiste

y me dejaste

en el viento como un globo perdido

como un susurro de amor no escuchado

Nunca en mi vida he tanto apreciado

la capacidad del poder olvidar.

Para mí, eso nunca será una opción.

Deseo tanto el poder de volverte a enamorar

Porque este corazón tan triste no tiene otra opción

Don't criminalize the romanticized and internalized love

I've come to realize and later internalize the reality of my own situation.
I empathize and sympathize  with every aspect of your being.
But when will I realize with these eyes that I am the one in need of feeling like a prize.
Instead I built this guise full of lies that''s got me moving clockwise.
This love for you will be my demise.
This love for you will only make me continue to agonize, until I receive it back.
I know it unwise to continue with this hope that defies everything I have ever believed.
But these butterflies, along with the rest of the zoo animals in my stomach...undies.
You mesmerize and immobilize every atom in me.
And even with all this pain and continued agony, this is a love I could never apologize for.
I love you.

Heart in a metal crate

I remember the days of laughter and joy
Where falling in love was the only ploy
Now I am laying here feeling like a toy

At night I still smell your scent
Those night time tears are imminent
So I use this blog to vent

About how despite how I'm hurt I still crave you
And think of you several times a day too
Recalling the days I called you boo

I think about how I still find myself unable to date
Sometimes it feels like that'll be my fate
And to keep this heart locked in a metal crate

Fucking Lost

Losing myself
And losing my faith
With No sense of self
Cynicism has me reduced to a wraith

I am dying of thirst
For a love that will quench me
I had a real love and that was the worst
Because in the end it nearly killed me

I think of him still, several times a day
Agonizing over his beautiful face
I never want that image to go away
Nor the look of tenderness he'd give me with every embrace

Now I am stuck, unable to move forward
Broken inside and sometimes outside
So fucking lost, can't walk norward
So I am going to just stay here, an forever hide

Cold Heart

I was asked the other day if I was single, I said yes.

This guy responded, '"Damn, how is a girl like you available?"

I told him I said I was single, not available.

Then I explained:

"I am in love with a beautiful man

Who broke my heart so bad it feels beyond repair

Crazy in love..I feel like a madman

This amount of pain just isn't fair''

He comes at me with this awesome bullshit about how he can help heal me and I said:

Äs much as I can't wait to not end my nights crying 

And passing his old building sighing

This pain here is something I am owning

With all its sorrow and mourning

Because this pain right here is proof

That this fickle heart is not always aloof

This heart is currently cold and broken

And it's only gotten colder with every word you've spoken...""